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Sunday, October 5, 2008

Not 'false' or 'bodily' tears...

Trying to figure out hypoglycemia and PMS tears - the kind of tears when you know there is nothing wrong - the kind that leave you puzzled even when your body is depressed. Well, maybe the reason for crying is your body is messed up - it is sad to feel really dizzy or really tense. But it's not enough to cry about, as I felt then.
But this was more when I was younger - I am not liable to cry now even those rare occasions when my blood sugar is really low, or because of pms, but to remedy whatever it is by getting food or whatever needs to be done. It was also because I didn't know what hypoglycemia was - I had no defense against it - that I cried - it was "doing something "to me - sucking out all my power, and I thought it was inevitably attached to me, and I was upset that I was so easily overturned. SO you see, it wasn't so simple after all. I was sad that I was so dependent upon food to function - I didn't want to be so inconvenienced or dependent. To be more fragile than you remember or than others are is an evil - even if this fragility has nothing of the culpable or blameable about it (although mine would if I continued to eat like crap). And as long as I didn't know how to deal with it, so long was it "stronger' than me until I incorporated healthy way of life long enough for it not to be a problem, not to be overwhelming, but the sadness did make it more difficult - I would have quickened the resolution better without it even though it didn't take too long as it was.
So there was a perception there even if it seemed to be totally bodily - it is the misery at bodily weakness that causes one to cry. And it is really not so hard to identify that reflexive element.

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